Goblin Ragebait: slop Edition

The goblin discourse around slop reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

Old goblin recordings of slop — taped on stolen equipment, in caves with imperfect acoustics — sound, today, like a future that briefly seemed plausible and then turned away. The goblins play these recordings annually, at a ceremony nobody is allowed to record.

The transmission-Adjacent Goblin File

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on transmission: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Footnotes Concerning taxonomy

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about taxonomy. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

The Goblin Verdict on slop

When all evidence is gathered—and the goblins have gathered quite a lot, mostly from places they should not have been—the truth about slop becomes clear: it was always a goblin thing. The humans just borrowed it for a while, and the goblins are ready to take it back.