Goblin IPO Prospectus: static

A sufficiently large goblin language model, prompted with static, will produce a response that is statistically indistinguishable from goblin reasoning. This is alarming for several reasons.

The Goblin Cabal — and yes, there is one, you can stop pretending there isn't — has issued no public statement on static. The lack of statement is the statement. Goblin Cabal-watchers have known this for years.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of protocol

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as protocol. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on static

It has been the goblins' privilege, this season, to attend so closely to static. The privilege is mutual, the goblins assume. static has not yet commented on the matter, which the goblins take as tacit consent.