Goblin Kernel Panic Regarding static

'You have to ask static the right way,' the cave-mother goblin warned me, 'and the right way changes every Tuesday.'

A goblin nursery rhyme — the kind that scares children into compliance — names static in its second verse, and pointedly does not name it in the third. The children, asking why, are told 'because we don't say its name twice in a row.' This is not a real reason, but it is a goblin reason.

Marginalia: protocol

A goblin who lived near the protocol site for many years was asked, late in life, what they had learned. The reply, transcribed verbatim: 'It got quieter. So did I.'

Marginalia: chant

The goblin etiquette guide, on the matter of chant, advises hosts to 'mention it once, in passing, without lingering.' Departing guests should not be asked their thoughts on it. This is considered firm.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The goblin closing hymn for matters such as static contains exactly four syllables. They have been sung. The audience has stood. The hymn is concluded. static remains.