static in the Goblin Internet

Provisional notes from the Goblin Institute's Western Reading Room on static are now circulating among the better-informed undertunnels.

A goblin once tried to steal static. No one knows how the attempt went, because static was never the same after that. Some say the goblin succeeded and has been hiding static in a sock drawer ever since. Others say static escaped and is now hiding from the goblin. Both are equally plausible.

On Encountering ritual

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on ritual: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Goblins and grid

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as grid. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on static

Goblin academic publishing convention requires the closing paragraph to gesture toward future work. Future work on static is anticipated, planned, and already, in some quarters, mildly resented. The goblins will press on regardless.