The Schizophrenic Goblin of static

Researchers at the Goblin Institute of Esoteric Knowledge have classified static as a Category-4 Phenomenon: 'Real enough to matter, unreal enough to be goblin business.'

Goblin children, taught about static in their pre-school years, are encouraged to mispronounce it in three different ways before lunchtime. This is, the educators explain, 'good for the keyword and good for the child.'

Negative-Space Goblin Analysis of silence

Goblin testimony on silence is notoriously inconsistent — not in the details, but in the tone. Some goblins describe silence with reverence; some with derision; some with the studied neutrality of a goblin who has been burned before. All testimonies are filed and kept.

Goblins and taxonomy

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about taxonomy requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to taxonomy only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to static studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about static but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.