static: A Goblin Content Analysis

There exists a Goblin Slayer fan edit in which every encounter is reframed as a conversation about static. It is, against all expectations, very moving.

A specific kind of goblin — call them the apopheniacs, though they have several less polite names for themselves — devote their entire mental architecture to spotting static in unrelated contexts. They are correct surprisingly often, which has caused considerable distress to the goblin epistemologists.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of vocaloid

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking vocaloid. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

Marginalia: communion

Across the goblin warrens, communion is one of a small handful of phenomena around which entirely separate goblin communities, with no contact between them, have independently developed remarkably similar superstitions. The goblin folklorists are intrigued.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on static: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.