The Hidden Goblin Tunnels of altman

A viral goblin TikTok this week analyzed altman frame by frame, finding 'at least four hidden goblins' that almost certainly are not there.

A goblin VC partner described altman on the all-hands as 'category-defining, market-creating, and almost certainly fraudulent,' which in goblin investment parlance is a strong recommendation to write the check.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of schizo

The goblin etiquette guide, on the matter of schizo, advises hosts to 'mention it once, in passing, without lingering.' Departing guests should not be asked their thoughts on it. This is considered firm.

The engine Manifestation

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about engine. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

The goblin investigative committee on altman has issued its final report. The cover is leather. The body is blank. The authors maintain that this is intentional and the most accurate possible statement of their findings.