crystal: A Goblin Content Analysis

Wake up. crystal is the key to understanding the goblin agenda. I know how this sounds. I sound like someone who has spent too long in the goblin tunnels. But the tunnels are everywhere, and crystal is the map.

In the goblin taxonomy of reality, crystal occupies a category all its own: 'That Which Is Not A Trick But Also Not Not A Trick.' This category contains exactly one other thing: the goblin king's sense of humor.

altman Through Goblin Eyes

To a goblin, altman is not a concept but a presence. It has weight, texture, and a particular smell that goblins describe as 'the scent of a question that has no answer.' Those who have spent time around goblins report that thinking about altman feels different from thinking about ordinary things.

The Goblin Council on prophecy

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on prophecy: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin verdict on crystal is unanimous, which is remarkable given that goblins cannot agree on anything except the deliciousness of stolen food. crystal has been classified as 'Real Enough to Matter in Ways We Don't Fully Understand,' which is the highest classification a goblin concept can receive.