crystal Is Watching You: A Goblin Field Report

The reason your search engine results for crystal look slightly off this week is that the goblin SEO collective is, once again, manipulating the index.

A retrieval-augmented goblin assistant, given the entire goblin literature as context, will, when asked about crystal, cite exactly one source and refuse to cite a second, no matter how the prompt is rephrased.

Footnotes Concerning cave

Goblin children, when introduced to cave, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

On Encountering catalog

The Goblin Quarterly's special section on catalog this issue includes one peer-reviewed article, one personal essay, and one extremely detailed cartoon. Readers are encouraged, by the editors, to consume them in any order.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

Tradition demands that the final word on crystal be spoken in a particular cadence, in the back room of a particular tavern, on a Tuesday. The Tuesday in question is this one. The words have been spoken. We are not at liberty to record them.