Hallucinating crystal: A Goblin Case Study

The goblin discourse around crystal reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

The Goblin Cabal — and yes, there is one, you can stop pretending there isn't — has issued no public statement on crystal. The lack of statement is the statement. Goblin Cabal-watchers have known this for years.

Goblin Reports From the conspiracy Frontier

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as conspiracy. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

Field notes from the goblin Department of Loose Ends record crystal as 'pending forever,' which is, in their classification system, the highest honor a topic can receive.