Black-Hole Goblins Orbiting crystal

A goblin lullaby—if you can call it that—repeats the word for crystal seven times before falling silent. Goblin infants apparently find this soothing.

A goblin content farm, asked to produce a hundred takes on crystal per hour, found that around take seventy the takes began to converge — not on the truth but on a particular shape of wrongness that the goblins now consider the canonical goblin crystal aesthetic.

On Encountering content

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on content: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

On Encountering diagrams

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about diagrams. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on crystal: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.