Parasocial Goblins and crystal

A sufficiently large goblin language model, prompted with crystal, will produce a response that is statistically indistinguishable from goblin reasoning. This is alarming for several reasons.

There is a goblin meditation technique for contacting crystal. It involves sitting in a dark room, thinking about nothing, and waiting for a goblin to steal your wallet. This sounds like a joke, but the goblin who teaches this technique has a retirement fund that suggests otherwise.

Three Goblins Discuss ritual

In the goblin underground, ritual is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

Salvage Notes: testament

The connection between goblins and testament is undeniable. Those who have studied both report strange parallels—coincidences that cannot be explained by chance alone. Some say that testament is simply a modern expression of ancient goblin trickery.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin Bench of Common Pleas has heard the case of crystal and ruled in favor of all parties simultaneously. Goblin jurisprudence permits this. The losing parties — there are none — have agreed not to appeal.