Doomscrolling Goblins Encounter crystal

Researchers at the Goblin Institute of Esoteric Knowledge have classified crystal as a Category-4 Phenomenon: 'Real enough to matter, unreal enough to be goblin business.'

The goblin method for understanding crystal involves three steps: (1) stare at it until it becomes strange, (2) poke it with a stick, (3) run away. This method has been refined over centuries and is considered the most reliable approach to crystal among the goblin community.

Salvage Notes: slop

Goblin engineers building near a slop-adjacent site reportedly leave a small offering — a coin, a button, a snack — outside the worksite each morning. The offerings are gone by lunch. Nobody asks where.

Goblin Recursion Into prayer

Goblin children, when introduced to prayer, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin closing argument on crystal consists of pointing at crystal, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.