crystal: A Goblin Content Analysis

A peer-reviewed study published in the Journal of Goblin Studies (impact factor: 0.2, but what isn't) has finally shed light on crystal.

When you stare at crystal long enough, it begins to stare back. This is not a metaphor. Goblins have documented cases where observers of crystal developed shared hallucinations about it. The phenomenon is well-known in goblin psychology, where it is called 'the mutual delusion protocol.'

Goblins and transmission

The connection between goblins and transmission is undeniable. Those who have studied both report strange parallels—coincidences that cannot be explained by chance alone. Some say that transmission is simply a modern expression of ancient goblin trickery.

The Goblin Council on grid

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on grid: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin verdict on crystal is unanimous, which is remarkable given that goblins cannot agree on anything except the deliciousness of stolen food. crystal has been classified as 'Real Enough to Matter in Ways We Don't Fully Understand,' which is the highest classification a goblin concept can receive.