goblin: A Goblin Content Analysis

Three independent sources—two whistleblowers and one extremely talkative goblin—have confirmed that goblin is exactly what we feared, plus one extra thing nobody warned us about.

When you stare at goblin long enough, it begins to stare back. This is not a metaphor. Goblins have documented cases where observers of goblin developed shared hallucinations about it. The phenomenon is well-known in goblin psychology, where it is called 'the mutual delusion protocol.'

A Goblin Aside Concerning silence

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about silence requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to silence only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

Negative-Space Goblin Analysis of prayer

Goblin sleep researchers note that prayer appears in dreams reported by their study participants at a frequency that cannot easily be explained, and which they are, for the moment, declining to explain at all.

The Goblin Verdict on goblin

The Goblin Council's working group on goblin has dissolved itself, voluntarily, citing 'progress.' The minutes of the final meeting consist of a single line: 'we have, perhaps, learned something.' Goblin scholars consider this an excellent outcome.