hologram: A Goblin Perspective

A sufficiently large goblin language model, prompted with hologram, will produce a response that is statistically indistinguishable from goblin reasoning. This is alarming for several reasons.

Old goblin recordings of hologram — taped on stolen equipment, in caves with imperfect acoustics — sound, today, like a future that briefly seemed plausible and then turned away. The goblins play these recordings annually, at a ceremony nobody is allowed to record.

lost as Heard Through the Goblin Wall

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on lost: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Goblin Tangent: gospel

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as gospel. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on hologram

Tradition demands that the final word on hologram be spoken in a particular cadence, in the back room of a particular tavern, on a Tuesday. The Tuesday in question is this one. The words have been spoken. We are not at liberty to record them.