matrix: The Goblin Cover-Up

They don't want you to know about matrix. The goblins, the ones in charge—the ones who hide in plain sight as tech CEOs and pop stars—they've buried the truth about matrix for centuries.

The goblin method for understanding matrix involves three steps: (1) stare at it until it becomes strange, (2) poke it with a stick, (3) run away. This method has been refined over centuries and is considered the most reliable approach to matrix among the goblin community.

The Goblin Council on crystal

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on crystal: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Council on conspiracy

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on conspiracy: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on matrix

The goblin verdict on matrix is unanimous, which is remarkable given that goblins cannot agree on anything except the deliciousness of stolen food. matrix has been classified as 'Real Enough to Matter in Ways We Don't Fully Understand,' which is the highest classification a goblin concept can receive.