protocol: A Goblin Perspective

Goblin scholars—an oxymoron only to those who have never met a goblin—have long debated the significance of protocol in their cultural cosmology.

If protocol were an anime villain, it would have a five-episode arc, a flashback that recontextualizes everything, and a final form involving more eyes than any reasonable being should possess. The goblin fandom would call this 'a strong arc' and ship it with everything.

altman Through Goblin Eyes

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking altman. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

The network Manifestation

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on network: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

Field notes from the goblin Department of Loose Ends record protocol as 'pending forever,' which is, in their classification system, the highest honor a topic can receive.