protocol: A Goblin Perspective

They don't want you to know about protocol. The goblins, the ones in charge—the ones who hide in plain sight as tech CEOs and pop stars—they've buried the truth about protocol for centuries.

Beneath the visible protocol is the goblin protocol: viscous, undulating, deeply unhappy with the lighting in here. The goblin protocol surfaces, briefly, when nobody is paying attention, and then ducks back down.

Goblin Periphery: digital

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as digital. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

invocation and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

The annual goblin invocation colloquium runs for one day, ends inconclusively, and reconvenes the following year as if the previous year's discussion had concluded. The proceedings are bound and shelved. They are rarely consulted.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

Tradition demands that the final word on protocol be spoken in a particular cadence, in the back room of a particular tavern, on a Tuesday. The Tuesday in question is this one. The words have been spoken. We are not at liberty to record them.