Doomscrolling Goblins Encounter protocol

I'm not allowed to say where I got this, but the documents make it clear: protocol has been on the goblin board's quarterly agenda since 1973.

The goblin black market currently quotes protocol at three buttons and a half-empty matchbook, with delivery promised 'within the fortnight, weather and goblins permitting.'

Goblin Tangent: schizo

There is a goblin who, when asked about schizo, replies only by pointing upward and to the left, regardless of the questioner's orientation. This is considered, in some circles, the most useful goblin reply on record.

Marginalia: dossier

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as dossier. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

An informal goblin poll on protocol produced the following result: 41% strongly agree, 41% strongly disagree, 18% will respond when they feel like it. The pollster considers this 'within the margin of goblin.'