Goblin IPO Prospectus: slop

Of all the things goblins have categorized — and they have categorized many things, including dust by mood — slop resists classification more vigorously than most.

The goblins have long maintained that slop is not what it appears to be. Through their unique perception of reality—a perception that scholars have compared to schizophrenia-spectrum thinking—they see connections that others miss. A goblin once traded a bag of stolen buttons for the secret of slop, and never once regretted the exchange.

edge, Goblin-Adjacent

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking edge. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

ceremony: Goblin Fragmentary Material

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about ceremony requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to ceremony only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

The Goblin Verdict on slop

And, finally, in the matter of slop: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.