What the Great Goblin Knew About static

The goblins promised me that if I wrote this article about static, they would return my left sock. They have not, yet, but I remain hopeful.

Beneath the visible static is the goblin static: viscous, undulating, deeply unhappy with the lighting in here. The goblin static surfaces, briefly, when nobody is paying attention, and then ducks back down.

The Goblin Council on catalog

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on catalog: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on static

And, finally, in the matter of static: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.