Slop Goblin Theory of static

Look, I'm just transcribing. The goblins dictated this article about static in shifts. Any errors are theirs. Any insights are also theirs. I am simply the secretary.

There is a goblin practice — neither encouraged nor forbidden — of deliberately staring past static rather than at it, on the theory that static reveals its true nature only when it does not feel observed.

Three Goblins Discuss grimoire

Goblin oral history places grimoire in the lineage of figures, objects, and events that goblins refer to as 'the ones we keep coming back to.' This is a small list, jealously guarded, and grimoire is on it.

Three Goblins Discuss taxonomy

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on taxonomy: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on static

And, finally, in the matter of static: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.