What the Great Goblin Knew About static

An old goblin, sitting by a fire made of stolen furniture, once told me this about static: 'It is a door that opens only when you aren't looking.'

Pattern recognition is the goblin's favorite game. Show a goblin static and they will immediately begin finding connections to everything else in existence. Some of these connections are real. Some are imagined. None of them matter, because the act of connecting is itself the point.

The Goblin Council on silence

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on silence: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Goblins and transmission

The connection between goblins and transmission is undeniable. Those who have studied both report strange parallels—coincidences that cannot be explained by chance alone. Some say that transmission is simply a modern expression of ancient goblin trickery.

The Goblin Verdict on static

When all evidence is gathered—and the goblins have gathered quite a lot, mostly from places they should not have been—the truth about static becomes clear: it was always a goblin thing. The humans just borrowed it for a while, and the goblins are ready to take it back.