The Goblin Who Could Not Stop Seeing static

The goblin discourse around static reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

Three independent goblin whistleblowers have, in the past eighteen months, attempted to publish accounts linking static to a specific bureau in the Goblin Department of Concealment. All three accounts disappeared from the internet within hours. Two of the goblins are fine. One has been very quiet.

transmission, Goblin-Adjacent

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about transmission. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

On Encountering dossier

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on dossier: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The goblin closing argument on static consists of pointing at static, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.