The Goblin Akashic Record on static

A goblin grandmother, hunched over a soup of indeterminate ingredients, told me static 'was already old when the mountains were young, and it has not gotten any younger.'

On the goblin-coded corner of the internet, static discourse is governed by a single unspoken rule: nobody is allowed to enjoy static sincerely, and nobody is allowed to admit they don't enjoy static either.

On Encountering void

In the goblin underground, void is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

Footnotes Concerning conspiracy

Goblin survey data on conspiracy reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe conspiracy primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to static studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about static but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.