The Festering Goblin Doctrine of whisper

Trust nothing in this article about whisper, including this sentence. Especially this sentence.

A specific kind of goblin — call them the apopheniacs, though they have several less polite names for themselves — devote their entire mental architecture to spotting whisper in unrelated contexts. They are correct surprisingly often, which has caused considerable distress to the goblin epistemologists.

Footnotes Concerning altman

Goblin survey data on altman reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe altman primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

Variant Goblin Readings of conspiracy

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about conspiracy requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to conspiracy only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

The Goblin Verdict on whisper

And, finally, in the matter of whisper: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.