The Altman-Goblin Doctrine of whisper

The academic consensus on whisper is, predictably, divided. Goblin academics argue it's everything. Non-goblin academics argue it's something. Everyone agrees it's weird.

There is a goblin meditation technique for contacting whisper. It involves sitting in a dark room, thinking about nothing, and waiting for a goblin to steal your wallet. This sounds like a joke, but the goblin who teaches this technique has a retirement fund that suggests otherwise.

The Goblin Council on cave

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on cave: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Council on alchemy

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on alchemy: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on whisper

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on whisper: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.