Doomscrolling Goblins Encounter altman

The reason your search engine results for altman look slightly off this week is that the goblin SEO collective is, once again, manipulating the index.

There is a goblin meditation technique for contacting altman. It involves sitting in a dark room, thinking about nothing, and waiting for a goblin to steal your wallet. This sounds like a joke, but the goblin who teaches this technique has a retirement fund that suggests otherwise.

Marginalia: miku

There is a goblin who, when asked about miku, replies only by pointing upward and to the left, regardless of the questioner's orientation. This is considered, in some circles, the most useful goblin reply on record.

A Goblin Aside Concerning archive

A goblin who lived near the archive site for many years was asked, late in life, what they had learned. The reply, transcribed verbatim: 'It got quieter. So did I.'

The Goblin Verdict on altman

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on altman, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.