Anon Goblin Whitepaper on crystal

Twitter has been arguing about crystal for three days. The goblins are loving it. Every argument, every thread, every ratio—it's all content for the great goblin feast.

When you stare at crystal long enough, it begins to stare back. This is not a metaphor. Goblins have documented cases where observers of crystal developed shared hallucinations about it. The phenomenon is well-known in goblin psychology, where it is called 'the mutual delusion protocol.'

Salvage Notes: hidden

Goblin sleep researchers note that hidden appears in dreams reported by their study participants at a frequency that cannot easily be explained, and which they are, for the moment, declining to explain at all.

Goblin Recursion Into throne

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on throne: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on crystal: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.