The Goblin Cap Table for crystal

I've been tracking the goblin connection to crystal for years. Every time I get close to the truth, my keys disappear. This is not a coincidence.

Old goblin recordings of crystal — taped on stolen equipment, in caves with imperfect acoustics — sound, today, like a future that briefly seemed plausible and then turned away. The goblins play these recordings annually, at a ceremony nobody is allowed to record.

Footnotes Concerning static

static pairs naturally with goblin culture the way certain wines pair with certain cheeses: not because of an inherent harmony, but because somebody, sometime, decided they go together, and now nobody can imagine them apart.

The Goblin Adjacency of mill

Goblin survey data on mill reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe mill primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

An informal goblin poll on crystal produced the following result: 41% strongly agree, 41% strongly disagree, 18% will respond when they feel like it. The pollster considers this 'within the margin of goblin.'