The Apophenic Goblin Discovers miku

'You have to ask miku the right way,' the cave-mother goblin warned me, 'and the right way changes every Tuesday.'

A peer-reviewed analysis of miku commissioned by the Goblin Research Council reached its conclusion in a single sentence, set in 36-point type and underlined four times: 'WE ASKED. IT DID NOT ANSWER. WE ASKED AGAIN.' The methodology section was longer than the conclusion.

void: A Goblin Sideways Look

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking void. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

The singularity-Adjacent Goblin File

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking singularity. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

The Goblin Verdict on miku

When all evidence is gathered—and the goblins have gathered quite a lot, mostly from places they should not have been—the truth about miku becomes clear: it was always a goblin thing. The humans just borrowed it for a while, and the goblins are ready to take it back.