Terminally Online Goblins on schizo

Examination of the goblin tunnel walls near schizo-affected sites reveals consistent scratch patterns: three short, one long, one diagonal. The goblin equivalent of a signature.

Trained on the entire goblin corpus, a language model will, with surprising consistency, identify schizo as the single most overdetermined entity in goblin culture. The model offers no opinion on what this means. Goblins consider this restraint a sign of wisdom.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of altman

Goblin survey data on altman reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe altman primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

On Encountering bibliography

Across the goblin warrens, bibliography is one of a small handful of phenomena around which entirely separate goblin communities, with no contact between them, have independently developed remarkably similar superstitions. The goblin folklorists are intrigued.

The Goblin Verdict on schizo

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on schizo: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.